Two Steps forward....

One step back? I finally ran this morning. I have to admit I have been a huge slacker and haven't run in about two weeks. Between my crazy work schedule, being in a rut, and being exhausted I just didn't have the motivation. I know...excuses, excuses.

I decided that since I haven't run in forever, I would at least run further today. I added a half mile and am now up to 4 miles. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I thought I would be sucking wind after a mile since I have had so much off time. Surprisingly I was able to get to my normal 'rest' place and actually even went a little further.

I couldn't sleep this morning so I got up around 6:30 and ran. I love running in the morning. It is quiet, calm, and when I am finished I feel like the whole day has possibilities. Of course, my only possibility today is work from 12 to close at the restaurant! Oh well, making that money while I can because soon enough I will have 15 whole days off to relax with my husband!

The Nerve!

Last night at work, I almost punched another girl in the face. Someone pointed out that it was raining outside. She said she was happy because then her boyfriend would come home early from the Orioles game. She said otherwise, she didn't know what she was going to do until midnight.

Really? F*** you. Try 8 months.

A List

So I have been in a rut - I know this has become a common occurrence around here, but the short time between now and when I see my husband is dragging. I have decided to make a list of all the things I miss.....(I have been drinking wine, bear with me)

• Having someone take my glasses off at night in bed
• Sleeping in my extra 20 minutes
• Laying my hand on his recliner, and receiving a hand back
• Cuddling in the morning when he is cold and I am radiating body heat
• Him whistling when I get ready in the morning
• Someone making my breakfast
• Kissing me goodbye
• Making love (Yes I said it, deal with it)
• Not feeling lonely (I love my friends, but it's not the same)
• Fighting over the channels
• Yelling at him for constantly being on the computer
• PTI at 5 on ESPN
• Sunday papers (I read the headlines, Sunday Life and coupons, he does Sports and the Target and Best Buy ad among others)
• Helping with the 'kids'
  
• Sunday breakfast
  
• Dinner together
• Kisses in the kitchen.....or anywhere
• Him bringing in the trash can on Tuesdays
• Hugs
• His arms....safe, warm (I guess this go with hugs)
• Driving to Target on Sundays (If the ad is good)
• Hearing 'I Love You' in person, looking into his eyes
  
• Venting at the end of a long day
• Someone turning the TV off for me at 2 am after I have fallen asleep
• The way he looks at me, the way he kisses me, the way he holds me

I am sure there are 1,000 more, but I don't know if I have enough space on my blog. I love you and I miss you Michael. I have realized that all the things I got annoyed at (most of these I didn't) don't matter. I love them....if not in the moment, they are endearing and I miss them so much.

Michael...not much longer. I can't wait.

Happy Memorial Day!

Although Memorial Day is the unofficial beginning of summer, it is also a time to reflect back on lives that have been lost. Unfortunately not many people know the true meaning of Memorial Day, or take the time to really reflect on it.

This Memorial Day, I ask that you take the time to think about all of those who made the ultimate sacrifice so that we can have our freedom. They allow us to sleep soundly in our beds at night, and enjoy our holiday barbecues. Thank you. There are no words that can express my gratitude.

To those who are still serving, may you come home quickly and safely. We owe a debt of gratitude to you and your family.

Let the Road Rage Begin!

This weekend began dreaded beach season where I live. Everyone always comments on how nice it must be to live fairly close to the beach. They would think that because they don't fight the constant battles to simply get to the grocery store.

I have been scarce around here because I have been working so much. I worked Thursday and Friday night, and then ALL day today. I am finally home with my feet up relaxing for a change. Friday night at work was insane. Traffic outside was still crawling south around 11 pm. I, personally, would never wait in that traffic.

The good thing about Memorial Day is that I do get an extra day off, even if I do have to go into the restaurant! I will enjoy tomorrow completely off by running errands, cleaning the house and mulching the garden. It's time to start thinking about getting the house (inside and out) ready for Michael's return! Not too much longer!

Bad Day turned Good!

This morning I woke up in a very good mood! I had a field trip yesterday, regular school today and then another trip tomorrow and then Friday, what could make an easier week! Then I got to talk to Michael, and for some reason he made a comment that just rubbed me the wrong way. I mentioned how I had to cut the grass out back again, and he simply said, "You better get that done." He has made comments like this before - simply JOKING, and I know that. I don't know if it was the exhaustion, or doing all of the chores around the house myself, but it just put me in a bad mood. I am doing the best I can, and I think that is pretty damn good considering.

Anyway, I was in a bad mood after that, and my kids at school are driving me insane! Michael and I were emailing back and forth, when he said I know we are having a hard time but there are people are having worse problems then we are. AGAIN, this rubbed me the wrong way considering I didn't think WE were having problems, I just missed him terrible. I explained this to him, and he said he didn't mean we were having problems - he was thankful for having a wonderful wife and that our relationship was so strong. How sweet.

After school I went bowling with a few other teachers, we drank beer and had a great time. I then met my bestest for margaritas at the local Mexican restaurant. I miss her, even if she is a half hour away! We need to get together more. A wonderful end to a very long day!

I don't mean to get snippy with Michael, I just get very annoyed very easily. I explained to him I have good days and bad days, and today just happened to be a day where I missed him very much, so it was a bad day. Soon, we will be together and I can't wait. 30 days....

Getting Close...

You know it's getting close to leave when your husband starts going to meetings about it and when you look at movie previews, they open the same weekend your husband comes home. I can't even begin to describe to you how excited I am. Can you imagine not hugging your loved one for almost 8 months? I can still imagine his smile, his touch, his kiss......but it's starting to fade a little.

That makes me so sad.

One more month and he will be home with me....if only for a little bit. I can only hope the 15 days will hold me over until October. Even though this time apart has been absolutely miserable, if we can make it through this, we can do anything. I love him more than he could ever possibly imagine, and I am so proud to be his wife.

I could never, ever do what he is doing. Every time I think about how much this deployment sucks, I think about what it is like for him. He can't run to see his parents, or turn to his friends for support, or drink a beer at the end of the day to make everything feel better. (Even though wine can be the devil sometimes....) I am amazed at how well he is doing. I know he doesn't tell me everything, and I know why - he wants to protect me, and that's fine. I appreciate that, even if I am OCD and need to know everything. He is the most amazing man I have every met.

I love you and can't wait until I see you.

Hello....

I meet the most interesting people at work. Some tables I wait on are a little different, some are demanding, some are the sweetest people. The other day, I waited on a table that consisted of an older gentleman and his wife. He inquired as to what my bracelet said : Honoring an American Hero serving in the Army National Guard. I explained to him about Michael and how has been deployed since October. He started to tell me about his year apart from his wife when he served in Vietnam. After they left, I went to the table to take the plates away, and found this note :

Mrs. Captain,
Land of the Free,
Because of the Brave.
Thank you for the sacrifices you and your husband are making.

Sincerely,
Jack and Kathleen.

Bless their hearts.

Military Ball

Tonight is the Annual Military Ball, normally held at the reception hall at the local raceway and casino. I love going to this event! Michael always looks so handsome in his dress uniform and it gives me a chance to dress up! I thought about going to this event about three months ago and even found a fabulous dress. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought it wasn't such a great idea. I know it would just make me miss Michael that much more. I would have also had to request a weekend off from work and with Michael home soon, I didn't want to press my luck.

I hope everyone has a wonderful time! There's always next year...

Like the Energizer Bunny

I just keep going and going! I worked on Wednesday night after school which interrupted my season finale of Lost (thank goodness for my DVR and my husband for teaching me how to set it up.) Thursday was uneventful, and then today I went to work, then home for a bit, then off to the restaurant for a night of running around like crazy. It is definitely start to become 'shore' season around here, as it took me 7 minutes to cross the highway (yes I counted). I made could money which is always awesome.

With the season finale of Grey's on Thursday, I have run out of new shows to keep my occupied while Michael is away (gasp!). Speaking of the Grey's finale....talk about a tear jerker. I think I cried every 10 minutes or so! I am sure the half bottle of wine I drank didn't help either.

Running Update : I suck at life really. I haven't run since Sunday which is just pathetic since it is Friday. I found myself always giving an excuse. Tomorrow, no more excuses. I plan on running and adding a half mile to see how that goes. I can't stop now. I haven't lost that much weight, but I have definitely lost inches and I am sure Michael will appreciate that! On second thought, he probably won't even notice after eight months. Anyway, at least I have Michael seeing me as a motivation to keep going - not to mention that ten miler in October!

37

God, I miss him.

Take a Deep Breath

Yesterday was a crazy busy day at work. It was Mother's day, which added to the chaos. Although I was exhausted at the end of the day, I made amazing money - over $400! I must say, all the walking and hassle was well worth the pay off!

Today I had a normal morning. Got up and got ready for work, Michael called a littler earlier than normal because he had a meeting to go to concerning is upcoming leave and rules pertaining to it (you know you are getting close when there are meetings!). I went to work and greeted my 23 smiling faces. And then, the teacher across the hall came into my room and asked what base my husband was at, and whether or not I had seen the news.

My. Heart. Stopped.

WHO ASKS THAT QUESTION WHEN A SPOUSE IS DEPLOYED?

I immediately assigned my kids some work and ran to the internet. Of course there wasn't much information to gather at the time, I simply saw the headline. "5 U.S. troops killed at base in Baghdad."

I mean really? They couldn't put any more information than that? The article went on to say the shooting had occurred around 2 pm their time, which would have put it at 7 am our time. I did the calculations quickly and realized I had talked to Michael since then, but sent him an e-mail anyway. When he didn't respond, my heart skipped a few beats. It took almost an hour, but he wrote back and told me he was fine. I guess so many other wives panicked, that they activated our phone tree to reassure everyone it wasn't our brigade.

Throughout this deployment, considering what circumstance we could have, we have been extremely lucky. I have gotten to talk or e-mail almost every single day. There are some who don't get to talk to their spouse for weeks at a time. So although this deployment is tough, it could be worse.

Tonight, my heart goes out to those families affected by this latest tragedy. It's hard enough that families have to deal with worries about terrorists and outside factors that could harm their significant other. We shouldn't have to worry about them when they are on their base.

My husband will be home safe (if only for 15 days) in 38 days.

Busy, busy!

I guess that's a good thing right? Days (and weeks) pass by much, much quicker. My Donut of Misery is already at 60%!! WOO HOO! And there are only 40 days to go until I get to see Michael in that airport, I can't WAIT!

Anyway, so there are 17 days of school left with the little kiddies, and although they are getting rowdy, we did get a lot accomplished this week which was good! Last night, my only night off, might I add, I was called into work, and of course I can't say no because I am asking for 15 days off in June. Oh well, back to round 2 today and then a night off! Tomorrow, working a double on Mother's day! Because of that, Mom and I are going out to eat tonight, and then Pop is bringing her to the restaurant tomorrow for dinner.

40 days....

Do I have a Choice?

It always cracks me up when people say to me, "I don't know how you do it," or "I could never be without my husband for a year," or "It's been 7 months since you've seen him? I couldn't do that!" Sometimes I wonder how I do sometimes. I mean, can you imagine going 7 months without touching your husband? I can't believe I haven't wrapped my arms around him in that long!

But then I think about it - what other choice do I have? It's not like I can fly to Iraq (I thought about it, but I figured if I went to PHL and asked for a round trip ticket to Baghdad, it may raise some red flags). Michael doesn't have a choice - if he did he would be home already. I know some military wives can't handle it and choose to not live the 'Army' life anymore and get a divorce. Seriously. Who does that to someone? That would never even be an option for me. There is no one else I would rather wait for, and although it sucks, he WILL be home soon, laying next to me - naked. Sorry, had to say it. HAHA.

So when people say to me now, "I could never do it," I say to them, yes you can, you don't have any other choice. You take each day one day at a time, and thank God when you crawl into bed at night because you can mark another day off the calendar.

46 days...

'Sigh'

Is it June yet? My kids are starting to drive me INSANE, and I am missing Michael terribly. As I was moving everything out of our bedroom so Jack could lay the carpet, I came across his cologne. I almost forgot what it smelled like :( I need a hug....and not just a random hug.

47 more days.

An Exhausting Weekend

I know, I know. It SHOULD be the other way around...exhausting week, relaxing weekend. But for once I have to say I looking forward to the work week and being able to relax at night. Saturday I worked at the restaurant from 12 to close. It was a very long day but I made excellent money! Then I had to move furniture since my brother decided he would finish carpeting my house (my bedroom). I am telling you, Michael owes me HUGELY for all of this moving and rearranging. A back rub is in order!

Then it was back to round 2 of work this morning until around 5. When I got back, Jack was finishing the carpet and then I had to move everything back and rearrange it! It is now 9:30 and I am finally sitting and relaxing. I will definitely be going to bed shortly! I don't know how well I am going to be able to sleep though. Normally I don't sleep well, but now I don't have a door on my bedroom because the carpet I picked out is really nice and fluffy, so my door has to be shaved down to fit back on the hinge! Lovely!

Tomorrow, it's back to school with the kiddies and then off to Radio Shack to replace a cable I broke (whoops!) At least that was the only casualty of the move! How was everyone's weekend?

Welcome May!

Well it's official : I can FINALLY say I will see my husband NEXT month! How exciting is that? In 49 days I will drive to the airport and wrap my arms around him. I can't even imagine how good that is going to feel. I woke up this morning in an amazing mood. I was so excited that I had made it to May, and I had a good conversation with Captain this morning. We were both really excited because today tickets when on sale for Mickey's Christmas Party (If you didn't know, we are going to Disney after he comes home in November!) Neither of us have been there during this time, and I know I am super excited : It combines my two FAVORITE things - Christmas and Disney, what could be better?

The day went on, and although my kids can drive me crazy, I had a really good day. Then for some reason, I came home, got to talk to the hubby, and then all of a sudden I was completely depressed again. Maybe it's because his roommate is home and I know he is having an amazing time with his family, and I wish that could be Michael and I, or because we still have 49 days, or because it's Friday and it's our normal pizza night....who knows. Either way, I miss him terribly.

Luckily running has given me a great outlet to relieve some stress and clear my mind. I went for a great run today and shaved a minute off my time I was so worked up. I am now showered and ready to go to my parents for dinner. Although we are having pizza it just isn't the same....so a glass of wine is in order for later.

Even though I am being a complete downer, it is still May and I am amazed I have survived this long....I love and miss you CPT.