October Welcome

Nine months ago, when the Michael came home from that weekend drill with his 'wonderful' announcement, I thought October was forever away, and we would be fine. Now it's September 30th, and only four wake-ups away from the BIG day. Where did the time go? Maybe if I was like the little kids at Christmas, who actually WANTED it to come, it would have taken longer...instead it has flown by. Just two weeks ago I was still assuring myself I had plenty of time, we would be fine. Perhaps reality is starting to sink in.

People keep asking me what I am going to do. The truth is I don't know. Sure I am finishing my Master's and I coach hockey, but what about when I get home. I love having my dogs greet me at the door, but nothing is like Michael yelling down, "Hey Babe." Michael hasn't left yet and my sleepless nights have already begun. I can't sleep because I don't want to. Maybe if I sleep less, midnight on Sunday will take longer to get here. I keep playing all the possible scenarios through my head : I will get there and they will change their mind, they won't let them go because a prominent member of the community is going with me. And then I realize that their minds don't get changed, and there are man other prominent members already fighting for our country. I guess time will tell. Until then, I will cherish every moment. Tomorrow he has off and we are actually going to eat lunch together. Something we don't get to do unless it's the weekend!

One Week...

Yesterday, we had Michael's going away party. We were able to have a great night with family and friends. I was stressed with the bad weather we have been having, and how everyone would be able to fit into our house, but I have to say it turned out really well. Ever the planner, I made sure I had enough food and beer to make everyone happy. This turned out to be an understatement considering we have enough of both still to last at least a week!

This time next week, I will be alone and our year will have begun. I can't believe how the 9 months have flown since we found out. I kept telling myself not to worry because it was such a long way away, and not it is almost here and I can't bring myself to think about it. I take the time we spend together for granted. Like I will always wake up next to him in the morning, and come home to him at night, get my kiss before I fall asleep, or get my hugs everyday. I am going to miss him terribly. I have been keeping myself together so far, of which I am quite proud of. I am hoping I can make it one more week. I keep telling myself this is much harder for him, and I have to stay strong to help him, but who are we kidding. I know this week will fly by no matter how much I don't want it to.

Updates and Countdowns

Ok, so I have been a HORRIBLE updater lately and I apologize. Things are starting to get a little hectic around here. School is crazy, love my kids, but school is still crazy. My Master's is underway again, to say the least. Driving up to Newark on Wednesdays is not my idea of a FUN time. I just keep telling myself only three more months of it and I AM FINISHED my Master's. On the countdown front....only two weeks. What am I going to do with myself?

We went shopping today for items for his party. That is going to be held next Saturday at our house. Now our house isn't that big, but our back yard is a decent size so we were going to bring in tables and have the party out there. Well, of course, there is rain in the forecast, so Lord only knows what we will do then. I guess at the end of the day it doesn't matter, as long as Michael is having fun and gets to spend time (and drink) with his friends. I am hoping everyone will have a great time.

Hurricane Hannah

Normally, I would be upset a Hurricane was coming our way, but I have to say, I am not upset today. Really it's just a bad rain storm, and I received a text this morning at 6:10, saying our 7:00 practice was canceled. I have had a cold for over a week now, and thanks to my mono, my immune system is shot and I can't seem to beat it. All I really need is sleep. Since my busy schedule doesn't allow that, I was relieved that I got to sleep in this morning. I even slept in until around 10:30! If you know me at all, that is like 3:00 pm to a normal person, as I am normally am up around 7:30. I needed it ! Right now as I sit here typing ( I should be typing a paper for class) I realize I can probably even take a nap.

I love rainy days! It is perfect for cuddling up on the couch and watching a movie. It would be even better if Michael was here, but he is hard at work of course. I asked the stupid question the other day if it was really bad, could he stay home? Thinking of course they would cancel due to danger of driving in the storm. Stupid me, the military HELPS in the time of a crisis. If anything, he would be called in for longer. Oh well, as of now it isn't that bad, and I should have a cuddling partner in time for dinner and Saturday night tv!

Until then, I need to make some coffee and actually stay awake so I can get some work done! Stay dry!

Being Selfish

As I have said before, I always think more about the upcoming deployment when I attend the FRG meetings. I should have known this would happen, but I volunteered anyway as a way to stay up to date in case my husband decides not to share information with me. I am also convinced it looks good for him. Anyway, I was at a training meeting for my position in the unit when we started to get on the subject of the soldier's actual departure. There is a departure ceremony for the public, but there was supposed to be a more intimate ceremony for just family. That has been thrown out the window due to flight times and other things. Needless to say, I will be dropping him off around 3 in the morning that day and saying goodbye. We discussed who was to be brought to the unit during this time. They said it was left up to us. Here is where the selfish part comes in. I know that his family would probably love to come up there that day. The loving wife wants all of his loved ones there and understands he probably wants to say goodbye to them one last time. The selfish wife wants her husband all to herself. Is it entirely selfish of me to want to say goodbye to him by myself? I want to spend that moment with him, before he gets on that bus, hug him, kiss him, tell him how proud I am of him and how much I love and will miss him, without having to turn around and face his family. I want to watch that bus drive away and then probably burst into tears by myself. I know there will be other people there, but I feel like they will understand what I am going through better then his family. Don't get me wrong, I know they will miss him on many different levels, but I think a wife's feelings are different. The other wives will understand how I am feeling at that moment. I don't know how to entirely put it into words, but I know that I want to share that moment with him. Of course, the final decision will be left up to him, and I wouldn't want to take that away from him, but is it wrong to hope?

So as I am feeling selfish on this Friday night, my husband is up at the unit working and I am unselfishly doing his laundry. Hopefully, it will help my subconcious selfish self feel better!

27 Years...But who's counting?

27 is the number of years I have left until I can retire. Isn't that sad? I haven't even really begun my career as a teacher and already I am counting the years. I love my students and I love teaching. I really do look forward to getting up every morning - even at 6:00 am! The kids are hilarious, even if they can get on your nerves, and everyday really does bring a surprise. No two days are the same, and the kids can always say something to make you smile. Unfortunately, I despise everything that comes along with teaching. The meetings, the paperwork, dealing with parents who know everything, and the paperwork. It seems every year our district adds crap on top of our ever increasing workload just because they can. Isn't it enough that I plan for hours to make sure my children succeed? Is it really necessary to add all the crap on top of it?

Michael left for work this morning up at the unit, and I have to say I was jealous. He doesn't have to write lesson plans or deal with anymore of our districts surprise plans. I wonder what happened to our administrators. When did they forget how long it takes to plan for a class and how much time it actually consumes? I love my job, but for the next month I refuse to neglect my husband. Maybe after October I will spend more time on the crap they make us do. Until they I will concentrate on Michael and making sure I teach my students what they need. The BS will have to wait.

Autumn

Even though it is still 85 degrees outside, it is now the month of September. Therefore, to me it is fall. I love fall....the colors, the pumpkins the coolness in the air. Since it is September, today I spent the day getting out all of my fall decorations. I am pretty sure my husband thinks I am crazy, and is annoyed by the scarecrow decoration I bought today and promptly displayed, but I don't care. I also got my garden ready today. I also plant mums in the fall. I love them! Again, it's a color thing. With Michael's farewell party coming up at the end of the month, I figure I better get a jump on things so I don't have to do everything at once. I figured this weekend and next I would tackle the outside....with grass and flowers being planted, and then I can concentrate on the inside. I guess at the end of the day, no one will really care what my house looks like at the time of the party as they will be concentrating on Michael, but my OCD personality just can't quit.

Meanwhile, we had the opportunity on Saturday night to attend a Signal Honors Dinner. It was interesting to say the least. I had a lot of fun, and I think Michael did too. Dressing up is always fun, and when they cut the cake with a sword...well that was just interesting. The military has some weird rituals!

Classes start this week...just one more thing to add to my non-stop schedule. I need to sit down and make a schedule of when I am going to get things accomplished. I need to make sure I spend a lot of time with Michael too. We are quickly running out of time........