A New Generation

Unfortunately, my wonderful Friday turned into a very sobering Friday in a hurry. When I got to school this morning, I noticed I had a message on my phone. I quickly called the parent back, and learned that one of my students from last year had overdosed on pills the night before. This child is only 12 years old and somehow managed to get access to Percocet. This student was always a very soft spoken, caring, wonderful student who wouldn't hurt anyone. She is very over protective of her younger sister, and her mom was always involved with her school work. The entire scenario shocks me. Currently she is at a hospital in the city, and the Doctors are not sure if she is going to wake up.

How do children know anything about pills? Or maybe she didn't know and someone convinced her to take them. When I was in fifth grade, I knew nothing. My parents didn't shelter me, but I knew what was right and wrong and what was unsafe. I have found that students are well aware of prescription medicine, what it's used for, have sexual relations and are allowed to watch movies and shows that I would never have been allowed to watch, and which I consider unacceptable for children.

I have decided that when Michael and I have children they are going to be sheltered. Maybe not sheltered, but there will be constant conversations about what is right and wrong and what is not allowed or accepted in our household. I know at some point you have to leave it up to the children, and hope that you have taught them enough to be able to make the right decisions. I think this is why I am so upset about today - this student seems like a girl who can make these decisions. So what went so wrong? Please pray for her and her family.

Snow Day

Well, a day after complaining about the snow...I received a pleasant surprise! A day off is about the only phone call that is wonderful at 5:30 in the morning! I guess because of the ice that fell over night, the roads were too dangerous! I didn't want a whole day off, as I don't want to make it up later - a two hour delay would have been just fine! But that's ok....I was able to run some errands, send a package to Michael and am meeting my parents later for dinner. I think maybe even a nap is in order!

Winter Blues

Although I love snow, and the cold weather (and the half day today due to the snow and ice), I am in somewhat of a rut. I am tired of it. I want summer and a tan. Fortunately a tan is possible, since a friends' wedding is coming up and I get to tan for that (hey, it's an excuse, ok?) but I also want bathing suits and a pool, and most importantly JUNE, so my husband can come visit me! So until I can have that time 6 months from now, I figured I would visit some warmer times:

Our Honeymoon to St. Maarten, July 2007


The view from our room!



We visit Happy Hour almost everyday....when your in the islands, it's always happy hour!


On our balcony.....


Who wants to go back with me?

House Hunting

Since Michael found out that he was being deployed, there was always a silver lining - the money. We love the house that we love in, but we know that we want to have children, and although it is suitable for one kid...we have always knew that we would need a bigger house someday. I have always dreamed of building my dream house, and I don't know if Mike wanted to build a house, but he got dragged into that dream too. Anyway, we knew that with this deployment we would be able to save a lot of money and be able to have a nice down payment. To be honest, it is probably the only way we would ever be able to afford building a house.

We have looked around before, but I think we have finally found our 'dream' house. It has everything we want, and if it doesn't we can add least add it. It is in a very nice neighborhood, and close to our work. Surprisingly, my parents who are also looking for a house, may have found a house that they like in the neighborhood too! It would be nice to have them living close by. I know I loved having my Grandparents right across the street. I know there is still a long way to go in the deployment, and we have to sell our house first, but I can't help to start feeling very exciting about getting past this year apart, and really starting our life together! I will be sure to update on this subject in later posts!

A Butt-Kicker Workout

I have always been pretty active. Yes, I have my lazy moments (or months), but overall, I have always liked to at least do something. Running has always been a type of therapy for me. Very relaxing. Unfortunately, with the cold months, my asthma kicks up, so running outside is not an option. Since Michael and I are saving for a house, I refuse to pay for the gym!

Luckily, we have On Demand! I have discovered that On Demand has Exercise TV which includes Pilates and Yoga. For the past two days, I have done an intermediate 35 minute, yoga workout. Holy crap! I would always be sore after running, especially when I hadn't run for awhile, but during this workout I worked muscles I didn't even know I had. After only one day I was very very sore! I did it again today - worked through the pain! I figured I should keep going! Even though Weight Watchers has helped me lose a few pounds, I figure I should be toned for my husband too! So for the next few months, until it gets warm and I can get back to running, On Demand is my new friend!

An Historic Day

Many people will look back on today, and be able to remember exactly where they were and what they were doing when our first African American President was sworn into office. I was lucky enough to share the moment with my 23 4th graders, who were actually enthralled with the entire process. I think the most moving moment throughout the whole day was when, at one point during the ceremony, they said a prayer. Every single one of my 23 students bowed their heads, closed their little eyes and folded their hands. It was precious.

To Barack Obama and his family, and the cabinet he has chosen, may God bless you and help you make decisions that will affect the people of this country. I pray that our new President can bring my husband safely home. It will be interesting to see what this new administration has in store for our country. Either way, it has to be better than the last eight years....



On a side note, in exactly 6 months I will be running over people in the airport to see my husband when he takes his leave!

Snow!

It started snowing last night sometime, and although it hasn't been snowing that hard, it was enough to cover the ground this morning! It snowed on and off all day, which has made it very pretty outside. Our dog, Rocky loves the snow, and will refuse to come inside until he has had his fun! Above is a picture of him trying to decide what to get into next! Although it is gorgeous outside, and I love the snow, I doubt it will be enough to get us out of school tomorrow. I will take at least a 2 hour delay though!

The Kindness of Strangers

On Friday evening, I did my normal routine of visiting the LQ for a bottle of wine, and then to the local pizza place for two slices of cheese. Normally, when Michael is home, we have pizza night ever Friday. Since he has left, I don't want to buy a whole pizza because it's a waste of money, so I just stick to my two slices. Two slices is only $4, and on Friday, I realized I didn't have cash with me - no problem, I whipped out my debit card. Unfortunately, which I failed to realize, is that you had to have a $10 minimum on a debit card. As I scrounge around for some change, trying to decide what else I am going to order to make it $10, a person calls out, "I've got her." It took me a minute to realize he was going to pay for mine, and of course I said, no, I would be ok! But he insisted. I later realized it was my sister-in-law's sisters fiances' dad (can you get all that?) I was relieved and have decided that I need to start carrying cash!

Reasons why my husband is amazing....

This was in our local paper this week....The Beacon.

One Year and a Day...

At this time last year, my loving husband was quietly finishing his meal of spaghetti after a long week of drill. As I was cleaning up, he softly said, "Well, I have good news, and I have bad news.... The good news is I am going to get the transfer I wanted, but the unit I was sent to is being deployed to Iraq." And then the world seemed to stop spinning for just a moment, and I felt this ache in my heart. All I could do was stare and think about how much I loved him.....It seems like just yesterday. That weekend had been a drill weekend, and he had been unusually quiet. He is always quiet on drill weekends, and I don't ask because he normally is grumpy. He had found out on Friday, but had waited until Sunday to tell me. I was mad at first, you know me, needing to know everything, but he had good intentions. My mom had just retired and we were attending a surprise dinner for her on Saturday and he didn't want to ruin the mood. He had told my Dad, but no one else. One of the many reasons why I love him.

I keep thinking about that day. If he had left soon after, our year apart would already be coming to an end. We have talked many times about whether it would have been better just to leave soon after, rather then having 8 months to think about it. There are drawbacks and benefits to both. If you have time, then you have time to get affairs in order, paperwork, spend quality time together, paperwork, tell them you love them, and more paperwork. On the other hand, that is all you can think about. It consumed me, almost as much as thinking about him while he is away now. If he would have left sooner, I wouldn't have had to worry and think about it every second for 8 months. At times it feels like we are on an 18 month deployment because it has been a part of our lives for so long.

So instead of him leaving right away, we had to wait 8 agonizing months, until the dreaded moment finally came. Instead of having just weeks to go, I instead have 8.5 months. But it is ok. Having to express how you feel to someone instead of simply sitting next to them, or kissing them is amazing. At first it is hard, and then it is so easy to say whatever you feel. In a way I feel much closer to him then I ever have before. We were apart in college, but that was so different from now. I think maybe because it is a war zone and there are obvious dangers. It makes telling him I love and miss him, and am so proud of him so much more imperative.

Michael, I love you more every day.

Dinner with Girls

I had a really good night tonight! A few of the wives got together for dinner at the beach to celebrate one of the girls' birthdays! It is nice to sit around with people who understand what you are going through, and don't have to talk about it! We were supposed to go to a nice Italian restaurant, but it is only open on weekends because it is winter, so instead, we went to Big Fish. This was where Michael and I had our first date, and where we always celebrate our anniversary. It was the first time I had ever gone there without him, so it was bittersweet. I was sad because he wasn't with me, but I had an amazing time. There have been many wonderful things that have come out of this deployment, I have named some before, but I failed to mention the new and wonderful friends I have made. It is wonderful to have friends who understand that situation. I will be forever thankful that they have been there during this difficult year!

100 Posts, 100 Days

Well, I thought it was appropriate that I had my 100th post, on the 100th day that my husband had been on deployment! How convenient! I can't believe it has been 100 days already! Another 64, and we are under 200 days left in our time apart....and steps closer to being together!

I had a good day today - started my getting my hair done, and talking to Michael, not once but twice! We started talking about the house we are going to build when he gets home, and then I was sent on an errand to the neighborhood we like to get prices. Let's just say I will keep saving as much money as possible! Then I went to dinner and had drinks with my best friend! We even got checked out at the bar! I know Michael won't appreciate that, but Ashley did at least. I apologized for not being able to be her wing woman, HA. At least I still have it - married and all. I mean come on, I am not old, after all! Sorry Michael....don't worry I flashed my ring just for you!

265 to go...it still doesn't sound good, but it is much better then 365!

Annoyed

I think that is the worst part of this deployment. I am just bored out of my mind. When Mike was here, I always had someone to hang out with. We would run out to Wal-Mart or up to Dover, just because. Now, I find myself having to have a reason, because otherwise it's just a waste of time. I used to love weekends, not I hate them. I would rather be working and busy, then trying to find something to do.

I found myself being upset with him today because he wasn't very talkative in his e-mails (if that makes ANY sense). I hardly get to talk to him on the phone, and when I do it's only for 10 minutes or so. The only other way we communicate is in e-mail. It is hard going from talking and telling him everything, to trying to remember exactly what happened during my day, or decided what is actually worthwhile to tell him. I get annoyed when I get two word responses. Sorry. I called him on it and he said he was tired of looking at the computer because he was on it all day for work. Normally understandable, but you know what, when your in fucking Iraq, and that is the only time you 'talk' to your wife, you deal with it. When he is here I hate the computer, so this isn't fun for me either. He is my shoulder to lean on when everything gets out of control or just annoying. Since he isn't here, I try my best to tell him as much as possible, so when I get a two word response to something I just spend forever typing, I get mad.

That is my pet peeve for today, and now that I have gotten it out I feel much better. Thank you!

Wonderful day at Work

Today was our first day back at work after the looong 16 day vacation! I was dreading it. Even though I was more than ready to get back to work considering the days go by much faster, I had no desire to teach. Isn't that sad?

However, when I walked back into school today, my mood completely changed. I don't what exactly it was, but I realized just how much I love my job and, more importantly, the children I get to see. They are wonderful. Yes, at times, they are a challenge, they talk too much, and at times act like second graders, but overall, they are loving, caring children.

They entered my classroom with smiles, and actually seemed excited to be there, and to tell me all about their vacation. We accomplished so much today, and it just gives me the energy I need to finish up this year as strong as I did in the beginning.

Remind me of this post in March, when I need a vacation more than anything!

Some People...

While I was working at the restaurant today, I met a new bus boy who's Dad is in the same unit as Michael, and is currently deployed to Iraq. He is a rough kid, who is very nice, but you can tell can make it on his own without any help. Toward the end of my shift, one of the managers, who happened to go to school with Michael, made the statement that the kid was a complete idiot and didn't know what was doing. This conversation occurred after he called into work to get his schedule. He had been at work earlier (as I mentioned), but had forgotten to get his schedule. It happens to the best of us, so I decided to stick up for the kid when the manager (who Michael strongly dislikes anyway) decided to run his mouth.

I explained the situation the kid was in, and I said forgetting happens, but cut him a break, you have no idea what he is going through. The manager than said, "Well my Grandmother died last month, so what?" Ok, two COMPLETELY different things. I tried to explain to him that both are emotional, but a deployment is mixed with sadness, fear, loneliness, among many other emotions, and you have no idea how he is reacting to it. The manager then said I don't care, he's just stupid. I love how sensitive some people can be!

Apology

So I just re-read the last posting I did, and I want to apologize for the depressing tone. I try to make it a point to not be so pitiful all the time, but after you have been drinking sometimes you just don't care! I don't want this blog to be a pity party, I married Michael, I knew it could happen, so I will learn to deal with it. Every once in while I will throw myself the pity party, then I will pick myself up and move on. What other choice is there?

I did post that I have been doing very well in recent weeks. There was a time after he left, during the beginning of December that I was an emotional wreck. Crying every night, and hating life. I have pulled myself out of the funk and have moved on. The truth is I have learned many things about myself. Before I married Michael, I was a confident, self-sufficient girl. Not that I can't do things on my own now, but I always deferred to Michael. It was just easier to have him pay all the bills, or call him if I had a problem. Now I don't have that option. I pay the bills, unclogged a toilet by myself (that normally definitely would be a cry of help to Mike!), got his car fixed, and even dealt with some other household problems. (I will elaborate on those later, some of which Michael don't know about yet, so he won't worry!)

I am proud of myself, and what I have been able to do on my own. I, of course, would give it all up in a heartbeat to have him here, but I am still proud. Not only do I not have a choice in doing all of these things on my own, but Michael definitely gives me the strength to do it. When I talk to him, or e-mail, I know things are hard on him, and there is much more going on then what he tells me, but he is so strong. I don't know how he does it especially since this is his second time. He is the bravest person I have ever met. Even though at times I get upset because he won't tell me everything (Type A personality again, wanting to know it all), I know he doesn't disclose certain things so he can protect me. Everything he is doing over there, is protecting his family in some way. I love him very much, and admire him more everyday.

In the future, no more drinking and blogging, only drinking and fun phone calls to great friends! Love you all....

Never a Good Idea

Drinking - never good, when you are already prone to being sad. Wine has been the devil! I haven't had a drink in awhile because I knew it was a depressant, and that is never good. I didn't even have a drink on New Years!

As I sit here tonight, and have a glass of wine (although that doesn't help), I know it isn't the wine, but I miss Michael terribly. I won't see him for more than six months still! Can you imagine that? Six fucking months. I can't. It has been a month and a half since I last saw him, and in the last two weeks, despite Christmas and New Year's I have done surprisingly well, until tonight. I guess that's the name of the game. I have ups and downs.

God help me through the next six + months until I get to see him again.

Welcome January

Another month has passed, and I have survived! Last night was New Year's Eve, and I actually had to work at the restaurant. It was ok though, because I made $130! I was also home by 10, so I was still able to ring in the New Year with my parents, and make sure the 'boys' got kisses as Michael instructed.

I have realized that New Year's is a very pointless holiday. As I was sitting on the couch last night, I did not feel anywhere near what I had felt in previous years. All the excitement building up to the BIG countdown, just wasn't there. I don't know if it was because Michael wasn't there, or I wasn't drinking, but it all just seemed to trivial. At one point, Taylor Swift described the scene in New York as 'life changing.' Really? The scene is life changing? How so? I guess maybe I just have a different perspective on things now. To me, 'life changing' is sending my husband away for a year, and worrying about whether or not he will come home! I have learned this past three months that you should take nothing for granted. Every little good night kiss, or hug in the morning, they are all special, and I am lucky to have them.

Three months down....9 to go! Welcome 2009!