At this time last year, my loving husband was quietly finishing his meal of spaghetti after a long week of drill. As I was cleaning up, he softly said, "Well, I have good news, and I have bad news.... The good news is I am going to get the transfer I wanted, but the unit I was sent to is being deployed to Iraq." And then the world seemed to stop spinning for just a moment, and I felt this ache in my heart. All I could do was stare and think about how much I loved him.....It seems like just yesterday. That weekend had been a drill weekend, and he had been unusually quiet. He is always quiet on drill weekends, and I don't ask because he normally is grumpy. He had found out on Friday, but had waited until Sunday to tell me. I was mad at first, you know me, needing to know everything, but he had good intentions. My mom had just retired and we were attending a surprise dinner for her on Saturday and he didn't want to ruin the mood. He had told my Dad, but no one else. One of the many reasons why I love him.
I keep thinking about that day. If he had left soon after, our year apart would already be coming to an end. We have talked many times about whether it would have been better just to leave soon after, rather then having 8 months to think about it. There are drawbacks and benefits to both. If you have time, then you have time to get affairs in order, paperwork, spend quality time together, paperwork, tell them you love them, and more paperwork. On the other hand, that is all you can think about. It consumed me, almost as much as thinking about him while he is away now. If he would have left sooner, I wouldn't have had to worry and think about it every second for 8 months. At times it feels like we are on an 18 month deployment because it has been a part of our lives for so long.
So instead of him leaving right away, we had to wait 8 agonizing months, until the dreaded moment finally came. Instead of having just weeks to go, I instead have 8.5 months. But it is ok. Having to express how you feel to someone instead of simply sitting next to them, or kissing them is amazing. At first it is hard, and then it is so easy to say whatever you feel. In a way I feel much closer to him then I ever have before. We were apart in college, but that was so different from now. I think maybe because it is a war zone and there are obvious dangers. It makes telling him I love and miss him, and am so proud of him so much more imperative.
Michael, I love you more every day.
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2 comments:
Hang in there Kelly. He'll be back before you know it. At least you are a strong enough person to make it own your own. You should feel empowered that you can take care of all the little things around the house, pay the bills, care for the animals and deal with the stress of being a teacher. I'm sure Mike is just as proud of you as you are of him. I bet a lot of women just fall apart and need loads of help with everything. You really have your act together and you should be proud of that. Anyways, it was fun talking to you on Tuesday night and getting to see the animals. We'll set it up one night and have a few drinks face to face :).
Thank Dubis! That was very inspirational!
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