Apology

So I just re-read the last posting I did, and I want to apologize for the depressing tone. I try to make it a point to not be so pitiful all the time, but after you have been drinking sometimes you just don't care! I don't want this blog to be a pity party, I married Michael, I knew it could happen, so I will learn to deal with it. Every once in while I will throw myself the pity party, then I will pick myself up and move on. What other choice is there?

I did post that I have been doing very well in recent weeks. There was a time after he left, during the beginning of December that I was an emotional wreck. Crying every night, and hating life. I have pulled myself out of the funk and have moved on. The truth is I have learned many things about myself. Before I married Michael, I was a confident, self-sufficient girl. Not that I can't do things on my own now, but I always deferred to Michael. It was just easier to have him pay all the bills, or call him if I had a problem. Now I don't have that option. I pay the bills, unclogged a toilet by myself (that normally definitely would be a cry of help to Mike!), got his car fixed, and even dealt with some other household problems. (I will elaborate on those later, some of which Michael don't know about yet, so he won't worry!)

I am proud of myself, and what I have been able to do on my own. I, of course, would give it all up in a heartbeat to have him here, but I am still proud. Not only do I not have a choice in doing all of these things on my own, but Michael definitely gives me the strength to do it. When I talk to him, or e-mail, I know things are hard on him, and there is much more going on then what he tells me, but he is so strong. I don't know how he does it especially since this is his second time. He is the bravest person I have ever met. Even though at times I get upset because he won't tell me everything (Type A personality again, wanting to know it all), I know he doesn't disclose certain things so he can protect me. Everything he is doing over there, is protecting his family in some way. I love him very much, and admire him more everyday.

In the future, no more drinking and blogging, only drinking and fun phone calls to great friends! Love you all....