Being Selfish

As I have said before, I always think more about the upcoming deployment when I attend the FRG meetings. I should have known this would happen, but I volunteered anyway as a way to stay up to date in case my husband decides not to share information with me. I am also convinced it looks good for him. Anyway, I was at a training meeting for my position in the unit when we started to get on the subject of the soldier's actual departure. There is a departure ceremony for the public, but there was supposed to be a more intimate ceremony for just family. That has been thrown out the window due to flight times and other things. Needless to say, I will be dropping him off around 3 in the morning that day and saying goodbye. We discussed who was to be brought to the unit during this time. They said it was left up to us. Here is where the selfish part comes in. I know that his family would probably love to come up there that day. The loving wife wants all of his loved ones there and understands he probably wants to say goodbye to them one last time. The selfish wife wants her husband all to herself. Is it entirely selfish of me to want to say goodbye to him by myself? I want to spend that moment with him, before he gets on that bus, hug him, kiss him, tell him how proud I am of him and how much I love and will miss him, without having to turn around and face his family. I want to watch that bus drive away and then probably burst into tears by myself. I know there will be other people there, but I feel like they will understand what I am going through better then his family. Don't get me wrong, I know they will miss him on many different levels, but I think a wife's feelings are different. The other wives will understand how I am feeling at that moment. I don't know how to entirely put it into words, but I know that I want to share that moment with him. Of course, the final decision will be left up to him, and I wouldn't want to take that away from him, but is it wrong to hope?

So as I am feeling selfish on this Friday night, my husband is up at the unit working and I am unselfishly doing his laundry. Hopefully, it will help my subconcious selfish self feel better!