Well, I thought it was appropriate that I had my 100th post, on the 100th day that my husband had been on deployment! How convenient! I can't believe it has been 100 days already! Another 64, and we are under 200 days left in our time apart....and steps closer to being together!
I had a good day today - started my getting my hair done, and talking to Michael, not once but twice! We started talking about the house we are going to build when he gets home, and then I was sent on an errand to the neighborhood we like to get prices. Let's just say I will keep saving as much money as possible! Then I went to dinner and had drinks with my best friend! We even got checked out at the bar! I know Michael won't appreciate that, but Ashley did at least. I apologized for not being able to be her wing woman, HA. At least I still have it - married and all. I mean come on, I am not old, after all! Sorry Michael....don't worry I flashed my ring just for you!
265 to go...it still doesn't sound good, but it is much better then 365!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Annoyed
I think that is the worst part of this deployment. I am just bored out of my mind. When Mike was here, I always had someone to hang out with. We would run out to Wal-Mart or up to Dover, just because. Now, I find myself having to have a reason, because otherwise it's just a waste of time. I used to love weekends, not I hate them. I would rather be working and busy, then trying to find something to do.
I found myself being upset with him today because he wasn't very talkative in his e-mails (if that makes ANY sense). I hardly get to talk to him on the phone, and when I do it's only for 10 minutes or so. The only other way we communicate is in e-mail. It is hard going from talking and telling him everything, to trying to remember exactly what happened during my day, or decided what is actually worthwhile to tell him. I get annoyed when I get two word responses. Sorry. I called him on it and he said he was tired of looking at the computer because he was on it all day for work. Normally understandable, but you know what, when your in fucking Iraq, and that is the only time you 'talk' to your wife, you deal with it. When he is here I hate the computer, so this isn't fun for me either. He is my shoulder to lean on when everything gets out of control or just annoying. Since he isn't here, I try my best to tell him as much as possible, so when I get a two word response to something I just spend forever typing, I get mad.
That is my pet peeve for today, and now that I have gotten it out I feel much better. Thank you!
I found myself being upset with him today because he wasn't very talkative in his e-mails (if that makes ANY sense). I hardly get to talk to him on the phone, and when I do it's only for 10 minutes or so. The only other way we communicate is in e-mail. It is hard going from talking and telling him everything, to trying to remember exactly what happened during my day, or decided what is actually worthwhile to tell him. I get annoyed when I get two word responses. Sorry. I called him on it and he said he was tired of looking at the computer because he was on it all day for work. Normally understandable, but you know what, when your in fucking Iraq, and that is the only time you 'talk' to your wife, you deal with it. When he is here I hate the computer, so this isn't fun for me either. He is my shoulder to lean on when everything gets out of control or just annoying. Since he isn't here, I try my best to tell him as much as possible, so when I get a two word response to something I just spend forever typing, I get mad.
That is my pet peeve for today, and now that I have gotten it out I feel much better. Thank you!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Wonderful day at Work
Today was our first day back at work after the looong 16 day vacation! I was dreading it. Even though I was more than ready to get back to work considering the days go by much faster, I had no desire to teach. Isn't that sad?
However, when I walked back into school today, my mood completely changed. I don't what exactly it was, but I realized just how much I love my job and, more importantly, the children I get to see. They are wonderful. Yes, at times, they are a challenge, they talk too much, and at times act like second graders, but overall, they are loving, caring children.
They entered my classroom with smiles, and actually seemed excited to be there, and to tell me all about their vacation. We accomplished so much today, and it just gives me the energy I need to finish up this year as strong as I did in the beginning.
Remind me of this post in March, when I need a vacation more than anything!
However, when I walked back into school today, my mood completely changed. I don't what exactly it was, but I realized just how much I love my job and, more importantly, the children I get to see. They are wonderful. Yes, at times, they are a challenge, they talk too much, and at times act like second graders, but overall, they are loving, caring children.
They entered my classroom with smiles, and actually seemed excited to be there, and to tell me all about their vacation. We accomplished so much today, and it just gives me the energy I need to finish up this year as strong as I did in the beginning.
Remind me of this post in March, when I need a vacation more than anything!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Some People...
While I was working at the restaurant today, I met a new bus boy who's Dad is in the same unit as Michael, and is currently deployed to Iraq. He is a rough kid, who is very nice, but you can tell can make it on his own without any help. Toward the end of my shift, one of the managers, who happened to go to school with Michael, made the statement that the kid was a complete idiot and didn't know what was doing. This conversation occurred after he called into work to get his schedule. He had been at work earlier (as I mentioned), but had forgotten to get his schedule. It happens to the best of us, so I decided to stick up for the kid when the manager (who Michael strongly dislikes anyway) decided to run his mouth.
I explained the situation the kid was in, and I said forgetting happens, but cut him a break, you have no idea what he is going through. The manager than said, "Well my Grandmother died last month, so what?" Ok, two COMPLETELY different things. I tried to explain to him that both are emotional, but a deployment is mixed with sadness, fear, loneliness, among many other emotions, and you have no idea how he is reacting to it. The manager then said I don't care, he's just stupid. I love how sensitive some people can be!
I explained the situation the kid was in, and I said forgetting happens, but cut him a break, you have no idea what he is going through. The manager than said, "Well my Grandmother died last month, so what?" Ok, two COMPLETELY different things. I tried to explain to him that both are emotional, but a deployment is mixed with sadness, fear, loneliness, among many other emotions, and you have no idea how he is reacting to it. The manager then said I don't care, he's just stupid. I love how sensitive some people can be!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Apology
So I just re-read the last posting I did, and I want to apologize for the depressing tone. I try to make it a point to not be so pitiful all the time, but after you have been drinking sometimes you just don't care! I don't want this blog to be a pity party, I married Michael, I knew it could happen, so I will learn to deal with it. Every once in while I will throw myself the pity party, then I will pick myself up and move on. What other choice is there?
I did post that I have been doing very well in recent weeks. There was a time after he left, during the beginning of December that I was an emotional wreck. Crying every night, and hating life. I have pulled myself out of the funk and have moved on. The truth is I have learned many things about myself. Before I married Michael, I was a confident, self-sufficient girl. Not that I can't do things on my own now, but I always deferred to Michael. It was just easier to have him pay all the bills, or call him if I had a problem. Now I don't have that option. I pay the bills, unclogged a toilet by myself (that normally definitely would be a cry of help to Mike!), got his car fixed, and even dealt with some other household problems. (I will elaborate on those later, some of which Michael don't know about yet, so he won't worry!)
I am proud of myself, and what I have been able to do on my own. I, of course, would give it all up in a heartbeat to have him here, but I am still proud. Not only do I not have a choice in doing all of these things on my own, but Michael definitely gives me the strength to do it. When I talk to him, or e-mail, I know things are hard on him, and there is much more going on then what he tells me, but he is so strong. I don't know how he does it especially since this is his second time. He is the bravest person I have ever met. Even though at times I get upset because he won't tell me everything (Type A personality again, wanting to know it all), I know he doesn't disclose certain things so he can protect me. Everything he is doing over there, is protecting his family in some way. I love him very much, and admire him more everyday.
In the future, no more drinking and blogging, only drinking and fun phone calls to great friends! Love you all....
I did post that I have been doing very well in recent weeks. There was a time after he left, during the beginning of December that I was an emotional wreck. Crying every night, and hating life. I have pulled myself out of the funk and have moved on. The truth is I have learned many things about myself. Before I married Michael, I was a confident, self-sufficient girl. Not that I can't do things on my own now, but I always deferred to Michael. It was just easier to have him pay all the bills, or call him if I had a problem. Now I don't have that option. I pay the bills, unclogged a toilet by myself (that normally definitely would be a cry of help to Mike!), got his car fixed, and even dealt with some other household problems. (I will elaborate on those later, some of which Michael don't know about yet, so he won't worry!)
I am proud of myself, and what I have been able to do on my own. I, of course, would give it all up in a heartbeat to have him here, but I am still proud. Not only do I not have a choice in doing all of these things on my own, but Michael definitely gives me the strength to do it. When I talk to him, or e-mail, I know things are hard on him, and there is much more going on then what he tells me, but he is so strong. I don't know how he does it especially since this is his second time. He is the bravest person I have ever met. Even though at times I get upset because he won't tell me everything (Type A personality again, wanting to know it all), I know he doesn't disclose certain things so he can protect me. Everything he is doing over there, is protecting his family in some way. I love him very much, and admire him more everyday.
In the future, no more drinking and blogging, only drinking and fun phone calls to great friends! Love you all....
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Never a Good Idea
Drinking - never good, when you are already prone to being sad. Wine has been the devil! I haven't had a drink in awhile because I knew it was a depressant, and that is never good. I didn't even have a drink on New Years!
As I sit here tonight, and have a glass of wine (although that doesn't help), I know it isn't the wine, but I miss Michael terribly. I won't see him for more than six months still! Can you imagine that? Six fucking months. I can't. It has been a month and a half since I last saw him, and in the last two weeks, despite Christmas and New Year's I have done surprisingly well, until tonight. I guess that's the name of the game. I have ups and downs.
God help me through the next six + months until I get to see him again.
As I sit here tonight, and have a glass of wine (although that doesn't help), I know it isn't the wine, but I miss Michael terribly. I won't see him for more than six months still! Can you imagine that? Six fucking months. I can't. It has been a month and a half since I last saw him, and in the last two weeks, despite Christmas and New Year's I have done surprisingly well, until tonight. I guess that's the name of the game. I have ups and downs.
God help me through the next six + months until I get to see him again.
Welcome January
Another month has passed, and I have survived! Last night was New Year's Eve, and I actually had to work at the restaurant. It was ok though, because I made $130! I was also home by 10, so I was still able to ring in the New Year with my parents, and make sure the 'boys' got kisses as Michael instructed.
I have realized that New Year's is a very pointless holiday. As I was sitting on the couch last night, I did not feel anywhere near what I had felt in previous years. All the excitement building up to the BIG countdown, just wasn't there. I don't know if it was because Michael wasn't there, or I wasn't drinking, but it all just seemed to trivial. At one point, Taylor Swift described the scene in New York as 'life changing.' Really? The scene is life changing? How so? I guess maybe I just have a different perspective on things now. To me, 'life changing' is sending my husband away for a year, and worrying about whether or not he will come home! I have learned this past three months that you should take nothing for granted. Every little good night kiss, or hug in the morning, they are all special, and I am lucky to have them.
Three months down....9 to go! Welcome 2009!
I have realized that New Year's is a very pointless holiday. As I was sitting on the couch last night, I did not feel anywhere near what I had felt in previous years. All the excitement building up to the BIG countdown, just wasn't there. I don't know if it was because Michael wasn't there, or I wasn't drinking, but it all just seemed to trivial. At one point, Taylor Swift described the scene in New York as 'life changing.' Really? The scene is life changing? How so? I guess maybe I just have a different perspective on things now. To me, 'life changing' is sending my husband away for a year, and worrying about whether or not he will come home! I have learned this past three months that you should take nothing for granted. Every little good night kiss, or hug in the morning, they are all special, and I am lucky to have them.
Three months down....9 to go! Welcome 2009!
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